Just be careful.
Promise me no promises.
Let’s flashback to Halloween 2015. 2015 was the year I had my HKIA exams which meant I spent most of my months studying up until the exams in November. I told myself I wasn’t going to go out for Halloween and focus on my exams, but eventually, one of my best friends persuaded me to go out and join her and some of Law school friends for a fun Halloween night.
We ended up leaving around 2am and by that time, I was already quite tipsy and tired. All I wanted to do was go home. We went to Lan Kwai Fong in Hong Kong which has a steep hill. Since all I wanted to do was get home as quickly as possible, we were directed by the police to follow a certain exit route even though we were almost at the bottom of the hill. Thus, we had to walk all the way back up and by the time we got to the exit route, there was already a crowd of people wanting to exit too, so the police slowly led the people out. Being tipsy and tired, I was bored while we were walking at a very slow pace. To entertain myself out of boredom, I struck up a conversation with the guy next to me. Something, or a tiny evil fairy, flew by and whispered “talk to the guy next to you” in my ear because that’s when everything began.
I was focusing on my HK architect license exams when you appeared. Back then, you were still a stranger to me. Now, we’ve known each other 2 years and surprisingly, we actually still keep in contact. We’re still getting to know each other, but after everything that has happened in my personal life since the last time we saw each other, I feel that it’s better if we became strangers again.
I wish you just stayed a stranger because the more we talk, the more my flirtatious side comes out and my heart slowly starts to break the wall that I have been rebuilding. Four months ago, I had to rebuild that wall. After what happened, I knew the wall had to be stronger and sturdier. But when we started talking again, the wall was only built halfway. This time, you caught me during a period of self-recovery.
From the first time we met, I felt that our lives were parallel to each other. We both grew up in similar surroundings and have similar interests, but even though we did meet by accident, two parallel lines do not intersect. We live in different times zones (three hours apart) and work with busy schedules as we both have career-focused minds. Ever since high school, I’ve said it multiple times to myself that I do not do long distance relationships because of the pain and the heartache kills me. Yes, on the outside, I may look like a strong independent girl who cares only about her work but on the inside, I’m fragile. That’s the main reason why I indulge myself into the work and luckily I have architecture as my work.
You’re relocating to Hong Kong soon for at least a year while I’m still working in Los Angeles. Yes, I most likely will relocate to Hong Kong by the end of next year but there are too many obstacles for us to endure in order to be next to each other. I feel that the earlier I try to erase you from my mind, the less painful it will be later. Who knows, maybe we’ll accidentally meet again when we’re both out drinking with friends in Hong Kong. Or we casually bump into each other during our work commute. But for now, let’s not waste our energy trying to overcome an obstacle that we both know we cannot overcome.
I’ll only fight the pain if it’s worth it but I follow my instincts and I do not think the time to fight is now. I will let fate determine when we meet in person again. So until then, obliviate.
Hiraeth 