PS. I still love you.
Since my parents are visiting LA due to the pandemic, we have to see each other less than usual…but that’s okay. We text each other throughout day. We talk on the phone every night for a long time before going to bed and we know we’re always with each other. We’re approaching a few milestones soon and I can’t wait to check them off my list. I’m ready to see what this upcoming year has in store for the both of us and regardless of this rollercoaster life, I’m ready to ride it with you.
Five months ago, we matched on Hinge. At first, I thought you were just one of those guys who won’t even bother replying back to my messages. However, you proved me wrong. A week later, you responded to my reply to your initiated message and we started talking non-stop. We messaged on the app throughout the evening until we realized it was past midnight and we both had to go to work early in the morning. So the next day, we migrated our texting on the app to iMessaging. We texted throughout the day and night, and eventually we decided to Facetime. We spontaneously decided to meet in person the next night. A week later, without hesitation, you asked me to be your girlfriend. And even though I rebuilt stronger walls to protect my heart so that past nightmares don’t happen again, I followed my instinct and easily let you. It was an impulse decision that I still question why I chose yes, but somehow we complete each other.
Our lives ran in parallel to each other. We constantly talk about how if we had gone to the same middle and high school, one would notice the other but the other wouldn’t notice him/her. Or the possibility we might have crossed paths during my thesis undergrad year/your first year of masters. As I continue to get to know you more, I realize that you’re a combination of all my almost-boyfriends but still better than they ever were. There was a reason why I never agreed to be all those other guys’ girlfriend and there was a reason why it didn’t work out between you and all those other girls. We were made to find each other. Of course, our bear duo keeps taking credit for matching us up.
There are so many signs that show how much we were meant to find each other. It scares both of us how much we have in common even though we’re also very different. But that’s the fun part — we keep each other balanced and focused. For majority of my life, I’ve been afraid of getting too close to someone because they can easily walk out. But somehow, I’m not afraid anymore. A part of me has learned to trust again and I trust you. I trust that you really love me as much you say you do.
No matter where we are in the world, no matter what stage we are in, we will always be there for each other. We’re two halves of a soul.
Hiraeth 