I told myself I wasn’t going to fall for you because we come from different worlds, but I somehow can’t stop thinking about you. Five years ago, you entered my life through my best friends and we started talking. At that time, I only saw you as a friend and didn’t think anything would happen. But as time flew by and we grew closer, I started feeling myself drawn to you for no apparent reason. I kept questioning myself why it was happening and nothing made sense. You were the opposite of everything I wanted.

Fast forward four years later, we found ourselves unable to contain our emotions anymore. For one night, we almost did something we would regret. But even if we didn’t do that one particularly thing, we did things that changed our relationship. I tried to forget that night, but you constantly kept bringing up what happened before that thing happened. I got annoyed and wanted to forget you. I wanted us to take a break because what happened had escalated too quickly. You said you were trying to get over me but still wondered what ifs. I was trying to keep myself busy with work and dating guys who were perfect…who had everything on my checklist. But the one thing that lacked was the sparks. The fire that ignited between us was missing when I was with the other guys.

A year later was when I realized that the one person who I’m actually looking for has always been right in front of me. You were always there for me and I could tell you everything, from all the boy dramas I was enduring to our checklists. And then there’s our playful bickering that actually makes me smile and laugh. As I kept telling you about the guys I was briefly dating, you told me about the few girls you have been trying to go after. And somehow, I cannot compare to those girls. Those girls have so much in common with you that I know I let you slipped away. I’m not the type of girl who can attend every party/festival/event/outing with you. I’m not the type of girl who can travel as much as she wants during the year. I have priorities; I am in the process of attaining my architect license so I have to focus my life on the exams and work. I also don’t have many vacation leaves/time and money to travel everywhere. As much as I want to be with you, I have to be a professional licensed architect first. Then, I can come back and start a new chapter of my life. But everything takes time and as more time flies, we continue to wonder maybe we’re better off without each other.

There’s just so much to tell you but I can’t bring myself to tell you the truth. I would rather tell you in person so that you know how I truly feel. I still wonder why you never asked five years ago. But a year ago, you asked if I loved you even though you were quite drunk. At that point of my life, I was the girl who ran away when relationships were moving too fast because I knew (thought) that there was no point of a relationship if we both end up finding other people. But honestly, I did love you. I still do. And if you ask me again, I would say that I am in love with you, that I always have been and always will be in love you. But we won’t see each other in person until another year. And by then, another girl will probably already have your heart.

So I’m telling you this. Wait for me. Or better yet, come to me. I promise I won’t let you go because I don’t care if you’re not up to my expectations. I want you and only you.