You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Winnie the Pooh
Because we are still living in a pandemic, mental health has been an important issue for many conversations. Today is October 10 which is World Mental Health Day. And I’ll like to dedicate my post to being transparent and opening up about living with anxiety – a topic that I rarely talk about with my friends and family. When I visited my doctor, I told her that I was having trouble breathing. She asked if I’ve had trouble sleeping, constantly having thoughts in my head…etc. She told that my shortness of breath is from stress and if anyone who knows me well knows that I worry a lot.
Since middle school and high school, I’ve been living with anxiety. The cause? Studying International Baccalaureate with many sleepless nights and striving for perfection not to become a disappointment. I believe that many kids struggle with living up to their parents’ expectations, but as I continue to live my own life and write my own story, I realize that trying to live up to parents’ expectations or anyone’s expectations is a silly thought.
Throughout my five years of architecture, I focused a lot on studio because I wanted to get stronger in studio and knew that I had to work twice as hard as many of my classmates. It wasn’t until my thesis year that I knew I needed to get out of studio to gain inspiration, hence, taking improv, set design, and ballroom classes. Improv helped me realized that I was intrigued by how human psychology and architecture create our environments. As I continue enduring the journey to becoming a licensed architect, I still feel a lot of burden on my shoulders because I constantly see my peers becoming licensed and feel that I am being left behind or that I may not be made to be an architect. These negative thoughts constantly float around in my brain. However, I am making progress three things that I remind myself to do whenever the inner demons appear.
1. Breathe
I finally bought an Apple Watch that reminds me to breathe, at least 7 inhale & exhale sets for 1 minute. The latest Apple Watch can also check your blood oxygen level because when I sometimes forget to eat or hydrate, I start to get headaches and feel like fainting due to low sugar levels. I’m a workaholic and during deadlines, my mind is focused on completing by the deadlines so many thoughts are flying inside my mind. Working on my breathwork allows me to gather my thoughts again and regain my focus so that I am not stressing/worrying about not being able to finish in time.
2. Neighborhood Walk
Today, we’re glued to our computers, phones, and television that we sometimes forget to look outside our window. Being in quarantine has made us realize how amazing it is to get fresh air (although the air quality in Los Angeles is bad…thanks to smog). Whenever I get into an argument or start feeling stressed over a project, I take my camera and go for a walk around my neighborhood. I love going for a walk around the neighborhood because I end up seeing many things that I often miss. One of my life motto is “turning mundane walks into an adventure“. Nowadays, we’re focusing our attention on making money that we lose track of time to use our imagination. Who says kids are the only ones who can use their imagination? Somehow, when we become adults, we turn off our imagination. However, try going for a walk and looking up at trees or discovery quirky things about your neighbors’ houses. Try creating a story that allows you to become a different person in a different world. You’ll be surprised at the outcome.
3. Casual journaling, blogging, photographing, drawing
I don’t know when blogging became a career, but I continue to say that I’ve been blogging since my teenage years. I continue to blog because it is my outlet to let out my random thoughts as I navigate my life. Blogging as a career has turned everyone into polishing their posts or editing their photos to be perfect. However, what happened to just sharing random thoughts or random photos/daily snapshots? That’s the beauty of film. I’ve been using my film camera because I won’t know how the photos will turn out until the day I get them developed. When I get them developed, I won’t be able to use Lightroom or Photoshop to edit them. Find your own outlet and don’t do any editing. Share the outcomes because what matters is how you feel after you dump everything into words, images, or drawings.
Sit up straight. Stand up straight. And breathe. Remember that you are the main character in your story. There will always be ups and downs in your life but that’s what makes the show interesting. Be your own hero. The world isn’t against you. Instead, the world is the backdrop and everyone else is just background people. No one is judging you or competing with you because this is YOUR story, So go out there and LIVE YOUR STORY. Live it for the many people who the world lost due to Coronavirus. Just remember to WEAR YOUR MASK and WASH YOUR HANDS.
Hiraeth 