Hiraeth

Uncharted territory

What does it mean by “taking it slow” during dating?

Looking back at my dating history, I realized all my affairs and relationships developed very quickly. When I was younger, I was only into casual hookups because I knew I wasn’t in the place to develop feelings. I recently broke off a 5 year long term relationship. Everything happened very quickly at the beginning of the relationship, but due to Covid and personal issues, we had to endure a long distance relationship. Towards the end, I was trying to find a way out.

I’m now back into my single era and not looking for a relationship. However, cue my colleague’s best friend entering the scene. Whatever was in the air whenever he was around was the reason why I broke off my relationship. I didn’t trust myself when I was in a relationship. As a single girl, I can do whatever I want. The temptation whenever he was around was too much.

Fast forward to returning to LA. He asked to meet up for drinks and we ended up back at his place. If the situation was different, we would’ve just been a hookup/a one night thing. However, he’s my colleague’s best friend and my colleague told him that I’m off limits or not to make things awkward. The guy said that he respects me too much and that he actually likes me. He even asked if I thought we had a chance. I hesitated because I had been down the road before and I didn’t want to get my heart broken again. I said yes but that there was still a lot at stake so he said that’s why we should take it slow.

Fast forward 1 year later, we still talk often and I’ve developed more feelings. Every time I get anxious and wonders if he still likes me, I tell myself that we still have a chance because everyone dreams of being an enemies-to-lovers trope or a friends-to-lovers trope. I think we’re in the friends-to-lovers trope and I’ve gotten too close with his friends who are like my family. We’re also very alike and like to do similar things like watching and talking about movies to the point where his best friend questioned if we watch movies together. No, we just like doing similar things.

I appreciate that he’s about experiences and reminds me not to take life too seriously. He constantly reminds me to go with the flow in life.

Finding the trigger

Anxiety (n.) a strong desire sometimes mixed with doubt, fear, or uneasiness

9 years. It was 9 years ago that I met him in Hong Kong on Halloween at 3am in Lan Kwai Fong. It’s been 7 years since I said no to being with him. I was 27 years old. I should’ve known better, but I let my anxiety take control and I let him go. Whenever someone asks me about my love life and if I have any stories, he’s the story I want to tell. He was perfect for me because he fit everything from what I wanted to what my family wanted. He was everything that I was looking for. Fate had brought him to me but anxiety was so nervous of the possibility of him breaking my heart. Instead, I broke his heart and eventually it broke mine. He is truly the one who got away.

Flash forward 2 years later and I meet someone else who I had a strong connection with since the very beginning. For the first time in forever, I let down my guard and got my first boyfriend. But as time gone by, I keep moving forward in my life and it seems like he’s still somewhere back there, trying to find his way. This guy knows that I deserve better and that there is someone else out there who is better for me than he is. If that’s the case, then I actually have to let fate decide if that’s true.

Five years later, my motto in life is “if it’s meant to happen, just let it happen”. I’m letting fate decide and I will not question fate. Through a colleague who is basically my work brother, I met a guy who I kinda connected with but he seems like the type of guy who would not be interested in a girl like me. However, is that thought from anxiety and not fate?

Anxiety needs to let go and let fate make the decisions. I need to just be myself again and maybe he would be interested but I wouldn’t know if I’m not myself because he won’t be able to get to know the real me. Or maybe he won’t even like the real me and if that’s the case, then it’s just not meant to be.

Every time I’m in Hong Kong, I always wonder who I really am. I’m an introvert when I don’t know the people who are around me but I’m an extrovert when I get comfortable with them. Whenever I go out in Hong Kong, I turn into an extrovert. I had many firsts when I was in HK and even met my “the one that got away”. That’s why I go all out in HK — because I just want to forget the past.

But then when I go all out, I make new mistakes. I went a bit overboard and embarrassed myself in front of my colleagues and colleague’s best friend. But my colleague’s best friend took care of me and made sure I got home safely. I thought I was fine until the end because something did not sit well with my stomach. I think I definitely was okay that night because I remember everything that happened. Usually, if you were very drunk and blacked out, one would not remember what had happened the previous night. But I remember him holding my hand throughout the night to make sure I was comfortable and not lose me.

Looking back, the signs were there. During the first dinner we had together in Hong Kong, I ended up having to sit next to him. I thought I could avoid him so that I could avoid any feelings. Of course when I do that, I end up acting weird because of anxiety. He was also fidgeting during dinner and I don’t know if it was because of jetlag (since he had just landed that day) or if he was just nervous to sit next to me.

Then every time we’re standing up and waiting for the car, he would stand next to me. Toward the last few days together, we got very close. His body language allowed me to lean against him when needed. We would walk side by side and our hands would brush against each other. Every time our hands intertwined, I felt something. Every time he held my hand, I felt protected.

Now I have to go home and pretend like nothing happened. But our conversations flow naturally like how friendships develop without any force. Maybe I just need to calm myself and let him do the chase. No, I’m past the age of making the guys chase. I’m at the point where I just let whatever happens, as long as I’m being myself. They can leave if they don’t want to deal with me.

A Love Letter to the LA River

The Los Angeles River, once a primary source of water for the City of LA until the Los Angeles Aqueduct was built, doesn’t generally get a lot of flow nowadays unless there is continuous heavy rainfall and snow is melting. Some parts of the river are dried out, exposing the concrete paved basin and making it look the perfect race track or skate park. As I explored parts of the revitalized LA River in North Atwater near Griffith Park, here is my love letter to the beloved LA River…

Fighting your inner demons

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Winnie the Pooh

Because we are still living in a pandemic, mental health has been an important issue for many conversations. Today is October 10 which is World Mental Health Day. And I’ll like to dedicate my post to being transparent and opening up about living with anxiety – a topic that I rarely talk about with my friends and family. When I visited my doctor, I told her that I was having trouble breathing. She asked if I’ve had trouble sleeping, constantly having thoughts in my head…etc. She told that my shortness of breath is from stress and if anyone who knows me well knows that I worry a lot.

Since middle school and high school, I’ve been living with anxiety. The cause? Studying International Baccalaureate with many sleepless nights and striving for perfection not to become a disappointment. I believe that many kids struggle with living up to their parents’ expectations, but as I continue to live my own life and write my own story, I realize that trying to live up to parents’ expectations or anyone’s expectations is a silly thought.

Throughout my five years of architecture, I focused a lot on studio because I wanted to get stronger in studio and knew that I had to work twice as hard as many of my classmates. It wasn’t until my thesis year that I knew I needed to get out of studio to gain inspiration, hence, taking improv, set design, and ballroom classes. Improv helped me realized that I was intrigued by how human psychology and architecture create our environments. As I continue enduring the journey to becoming a licensed architect, I still feel a lot of burden on my shoulders because I constantly see my peers becoming licensed and feel that I am being left behind or that I may not be made to be an architect. These negative thoughts constantly float around in my brain. However, I am making progress three things that I remind myself to do whenever the inner demons appear.

1. Breathe

I finally bought an Apple Watch that reminds me to breathe, at least 7 inhale & exhale sets for 1 minute. The latest Apple Watch can also check your blood oxygen level because when I sometimes forget to eat or hydrate, I start to get headaches and feel like fainting due to low sugar levels. I’m a workaholic and during deadlines, my mind is focused on completing by the deadlines so many thoughts are flying inside my mind. Working on my breathwork allows me to gather my thoughts again and regain my focus so that I am not stressing/worrying about not being able to finish in time.

2. Neighborhood Walk

Today, we’re glued to our computers, phones, and television that we sometimes forget to look outside our window. Being in quarantine has made us realize how amazing it is to get fresh air (although the air quality in Los Angeles is bad…thanks to smog). Whenever I get into an argument or start feeling stressed over a project, I take my camera and go for a walk around my neighborhood. I love going for a walk around the neighborhood because I end up seeing many things that I often miss. One of my life motto is “turning mundane walks into an adventure“. Nowadays, we’re focusing our attention on making money that we lose track of time to use our imagination. Who says kids are the only ones who can use their imagination? Somehow, when we become adults, we turn off our imagination. However, try going for a walk and looking up at trees or discovery quirky things about your neighbors’ houses. Try creating a story that allows you to become a different person in a different world. You’ll be surprised at the outcome.

3. Casual journaling, blogging, photographing, drawing

I don’t know when blogging became a career, but I continue to say that I’ve been blogging since my teenage years. I continue to blog because it is my outlet to let out my random thoughts as I navigate my life. Blogging as a career has turned everyone into polishing their posts or editing their photos to be perfect. However, what happened to just sharing random thoughts or random photos/daily snapshots? That’s the beauty of film. I’ve been using my film camera because I won’t know how the photos will turn out until the day I get them developed. When I get them developed, I won’t be able to use Lightroom or Photoshop to edit them. Find your own outlet and don’t do any editing. Share the outcomes because what matters is how you feel after you dump everything into words, images, or drawings.

Sit up straight. Stand up straight. And breathe. Remember that you are the main character in your story. There will always be ups and downs in your life but that’s what makes the show interesting. Be your own hero. The world isn’t against you. Instead, the world is the backdrop and everyone else is just background people. No one is judging you or competing with you because this is YOUR story, So go out there and LIVE YOUR STORY. Live it for the many people who the world lost due to Coronavirus. Just remember to WEAR YOUR MASK and WASH YOUR HANDS.

My quarantine diaries

It’s day…I don’t even know what day it is. I’ve lost count. Do you know what quarantine day number you are on? Even though the Safer-At-Home order remain in place, restrictions are being relaxed and many places are starting to reopen – but with many changes.

Welcome to my furlough quarantine diaries. Yes, it is not surprising that Disney has furloughed 75% of their employees due to the pandemic’s effect on the theme parks and hospitality sectors. It’s been about 3 months since the theme parks temporarily closed and we stoped working on our projects. Most Disney parks, except for Anaheim, have reopened for crowd control regarding guests’ health and safety. Many employees are still furloughed because the parks are not completely opened.

So now the question is, what have I been doing during my furlough quarantine period? Am I surviving and staying sane or have I become insane and depressed?

First and foremost, I am a creative visualizer. One day, my dad said I am “a daydream during the day, a designer at night” so I’ve started using that phrase to describe myself. Though there are times when I get bored of doing one activity for a long period of time, I actually never really run out of things to do. Maybe it’s because I am an only child, so I grew having to entertain myself when my parents are busy with work or when they do their own things.

1. Bullet journal

When we got the furlough notice, one of my senior colleagues and mentor told me to always keep a schedule every day so that I don’t lose track of time or day. I haven’t really counted the number of days in quarantine/stay-at-home order, but the furlough period has allowed me to sharpen my bullet journaling, on an ipad and in a physical bullet journal. I do a monthly spread to help plan out weeks regarding themes* (see Disneybound and Homecafe below). Then, every morning, I write out my to-do list so that I know I want to have to accomplish that day. If I don’t finish the tasks that day, I write it the next day to constantly remind me to get the tasks done. It’s an accomplishment when I can put a color checkmark next to the task. I also answer the prompt of the month every night. It’s the same prompt. For example, the prompt for April what I was grateful for. Journaling is a great way to do brain dumps hence how this blog started.

2. Visual direction

Many people know me as the girl behind her camera. During my study abroad in undergrad, I love carrying my camera and lens and shooting candids. Today, with advanced growing technology and trying to make everything lightweight, I still carry around my Fujifilm XT-20 but I mainly use my iPhone document daily life. I still enjoy taking candid photos of everyone. However, as I’ve started to focus on curating my social media content, I told myself to learn how to be in front of the camera so that I am able to gain confidence in who I am.

To stay creative, I became more curious in the Disneybounding community. I always admired Disney fans who recreate looks inspired by Disney-related themes. Therefore, as a challenge to work with what I already have, I got myself into Disneybounding. Luckily, I didn’t give into the “neutral colors only” wardrobe. It’s been a fun ride and I love seeing what I can create that is both inspired by others and my personal relations with the themes. As I continued to meet many Disney fans through social media, I’m learning a lot about how guests view our company. I’m also learning what guests think of what we’re creating. It’s an interesting way of learning how we can move forward in our company. After all, our guests help generate the happiness and energy that keeps us going.

In addition to engaging in the Disneybound community, I’ve been experimenting with various fun drinks (coffee, alcoholic and non-alcoholic) and documenting the process. I’ve always been intrigued with ASMR, but I didn’t not bother starting a Youtube channel. Instead, I document the process of creating drinks through Instagram stories. I’ve gotten many positive comments, saying that the videos, particular the ones with matcha drinks, are very soothing. Made me feel like I should continue experimenting and documenting drinks and inspiring others to make their own drinks.

3. More green in the life

The safer-at-home order got many people doing DIY home projects. For me, it was beautifying my utility balcony. Management decided to limit the use of the common areas in our building complex, so I decided to create my own sanctuary. I add a storage bench, wall decor, and new flooring to spice up the small open space attached to my bedroom.

I also bought some herb and edible flower seeds to create a small garden corner. The edible flowers started growing leaves so I’m excited for their blooming stage, when the flowers start to appear. The weather has started to heat up, so when the flowers are ready to be harvested, I’ll be making colorful salads and avocado toasts with flowers. I’ll also try making pretty desserts and drinks with the flowers. They’ll definitely cost me much less than what I would pay for in a restaurant. Stay tuned for instaworthy food and drinks created by me! Hopefully I can fulfill one of my dreams of opening a coffee shop gallery with my best friends in 10 years.

just a gentle reminder:
social distance & wear your damn mask.

If you’re in the United States, many places have started to reopen even though the number of Covid-19 cases are still increasing every day. Many hiking trails and public parks are still open. Yes, it is always good to go outside to get fresh air once in awhile when we’ve been stuck at home for month. However, please maintain the 6 feet distance from everyone outside of your social pod. Imagine that we are in our own 6 feet diameter bubble. When outside, everyone should be wearing a mask that covers BOTH the nose and the mouth. Always wash your hands or use hand sanitizer. We need to all do our parts so that we can make going outside for a walk/exploring the city more enjoyable. If you don’t want to wear your mask because you’re eating or drinking, then you should go inside your car or back at home to eat/drink. I think we all want to enjoy the outdoors so let’s be mindful of others.

Lastly, stay safe and enjoy every moment of life regardless of the pandemic. Live and love each day. Cherish the small mundane moments that give you simple joy. Focus on your own weaknesses that should give you motivation to change them into strengths. Remember that we are humans of various colors and personalities and we live in an ecosystem which means we all depend on each other through our strengths. It’s a cycle of working together.

Safer at home

#flattenthecurve

Four months ago, a virus broke out from Wuhan, China and quickly spread throughout the country, continent, and now the world. The media shows that the number of cases in China has already peaked and there are no new confirmed cases. Meanwhile, the number of cases in other countries are rapidly increasing overnight. Governments have ordered “home lockdown” or “stay at home” in order to flatter the curve of increasing number of cases as time goes by. Nevertheless, can we really trust the media? Are there really ZERO new cases in China? We may never know.

The one thing we do know is that staying at home slows down the spread of the virus. Unfortunately, many people cannot work from home because they work in healthcare facilities, police/fire/ambulatory departments, custodial teams, essential markets, or local restaurants. Even those people are requesting people to STAY AT HOME and limit their time outside. We all know it is difficult to stay at home because everyone should get fresh air, exercise their bodies, and stock up on food. Therefore, if you do need to go out, please remember the ‘6 feet apart’ rule. In addition, remember to wash your hands, wear a mask if you have masks at home, and be aware of your surroundings/the surfaces you interact with.

By now, you’re probably thinking “what do I do to pass the time when I stay at home majority of the time?” If you are an introvert, your wish has been granted! If you are an extrovert, you might already be going a bit insane. Luckily, I’m more of an introvert than an extrovert, so I definitely prefer staying at home. So here’s a list of things, besides work, that you can do while at home.

Reorganize and/or rearrange your home – Many of us are working from home for the first time so we don’t have the proper equipment or space. Take this time to dedicate and design a space that allows you to concentrate on your work. Spring has also arrived so it is also time for spring cleaning! Clean out your drawers and donate items.
Bonding time – If you are not self-isolating from your loved ones/friends/family, then you’re spending the entire day with them inside your home. Assign a time when everyone puts down their technology to watch movies or to play board games together. The perfect time to create group memories that you’ve been wanting to have.
Find your creative side – Have you always wanted to create something but never found the time? As a designer, I enjoy experimenting with various mediums. I’m an architectural designer who designs in 3d modeling and photoshopping so I rarely paint or sketch. Now that I stay at home for majority of my days, I use my spare time to sketch anything. I even started digital bullet journaling so my iPad is my best friend. If you don’t have an iPad but have lots of empty journals lying around, pick one up and start writing or doodling. Writing or drawing out your feelings will help you cope through these crazy times. If you don’t know yet, Brit + Co is offering free online classes to stay creative! You also don’t need to have art supples to stay creative. You can doodle on a receipt, napkin, or make art with recycle materials. You can even build a fort or pirate ship at home.
Read all the books on your reading list/start a book club with your peers – Do you have a list of books that you want to read but never got the chance to cross off titles on the list? Like #2, stop scrolling on instagram or facebook feeds and get started on crossing off book titles from your reading list! Nowadays, lots of neighborhoods participate in Little Free Library where people share books among each other. Walk by one, take one for free, and put one back. It’s a great way to share books when you don’t have access to a library or have an electronic device. Check out Little Free Library to find the nearest one from you or maybe start your own!
Do something good even from your home – First thing, by staying at home, you’re already helping slowing down the virus spreading. If you want to do more, you can donate essential items to hospitals that are running low on supplies, donate food to the food bank, or simply offer to buy groceries/items for someone who cannot go to the market to stock up on food because they have high risk of contracting the virus. You don’t have to go far to donate; instead, there is usually a curbside drop-off/pick-up area in your neighborhood that will bring the items to the appropriate locations. Instead of hoarding items and being selfish, you are helping others and we all need to work together in order to fight the virus.

Please remember that even though the media and government said “social distancing”, it does not mean to be “socially distant”. The correct term that the media and government should be using is “physical distancing”. We are humans and we still need to socialize so while half of us stay at home for the other half to fight, we can still socialize by social media, telephone, and checking up on each other. This virus has also been causing lots of xenophobia and bullying. If you see or hear anyone bullying someone else because of their race, speak up and report it to the police. Many nonprofit organizations, like the Asian Pacific Policy and Planning Council, are setting up platforms where people can report racist hate crimes (click here). If want to know more information on the COVID-19 (Coronavirus), visit the CDC website.

Good luck and stay safe!

To the boy who made me believe love still exists in my story

PS. I still love you.

Since my parents are visiting LA due to the pandemic, we have to see each other less than usual…but that’s okay. We text each other throughout day. We talk on the phone every night for a long time before going to bed and we know we’re always with each other. We’re approaching a few milestones soon and I can’t wait to check them off my list. I’m ready to see what this upcoming year has in store for the both of us and regardless of this rollercoaster life, I’m ready to ride it with you.

The way he looked at her

“Listen with you heart. You will understand.”
-Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas.

How many people actually believe in love at first sight? Can a person really fall in love with someone just by one glance? In ‘One Day in December’ by Josie Silver, the lead girl and her best friend try to answer a few questions about dating, relationships, and marriage. Of course, one of the questions is “what’s the first thing a girl notices about a guy?” to connect to the theme about ‘love at first sight’. When the girl finally answers the question seriously, her answer is “eyes” which is my answer to the question too. To me, eye contact between two people at the moment they meet is important and usually marks the beginning of my stories.

The first time the two main characters met reminded me of when I met a British guy on the tube and we immediately started a conversation that lasted only during the distance between two stations. Then, my friends and I got off the tube and I had to say goodbye to my “subway prince” (as my friend nicknamed him) and my short-lived fairy tale.

While reading “One Day in December”, I constantly wondered what would have happened if subway prince and I exchanged contact information. But I do tell myself that things happen for a reason and I would not have experienced the other short stories that occurred after his. The random conversation I had with subway prince on May 1, 2012 has shown my ability to initiate conversation with the people around me. The one takeaway from the book is that when one keeps thinking what she should do next or perfecting her next move, many missed opportunities will pass by. One should just go with the flow or else she will spend the rest of your life wondering about the what ifs. Things must happen for a reason and even if the reason doesn’t appear at that instant moment, it will eventually reveal itself.

As a hopeless romantic, I’ve created my own love story in my head and I believe that I have to make that story come true. After reading the book, I’ve come to realize that whenever I’m afraid of getting hurt, I tend to find ways to take myself out of the situation by immediately ending the story and justifying my action by saying “I have that story to follow.” But my justification is an excuse not to commit, not to get heartbroken once more, and not to learn how to trust again.

A person cannot change someone. However, a person can change themselves. I’m not changing myself for someone; instead, I’m changing myself because the 5-year-old me had a dream that she wanted to turn into reality. I’m focusing on my turning my dream into reality and it’s a bonus finding someone who understands the general direction I’m going towards. It’s also rare when he’s trying to go in that direction. I already put one foot in the door so what do I have to fear? If he doesn’t appreciate who I am, then I can just leave him in the dust and someone else will come along. It’s been happening for the past few times. I just have to focus on myself and not overthink. Instead, I’m starting to learn a lot about myself and learning to be confident, compassion, curious, and courageous. These 4 C’s allow myself to trust again.

Some things happen for a reason…and sometimes, those reasons are meant to be hidden and not be found. Just continue to appreciate life as it is.

A little bit of me

A new year has begun. At the beginning of the year, people usually write a list of ‘New Year’s Resolutions’, but most of the time, people forget about their resolutions until the very end of the year. Instead of creating resolutions that tend to be like bullet points on bucket lists, I’ve started doing self-reflection and self-realization regarding self-improvement as continuation and progress in my life.

I’m ready to focus on improving myself and my journey to being a licensed architect. In 2017, the number 1 thing I learned about myself was my ability to step out of my comfort zone. In 2018, the number 1 thing I improved on was being more open-mined and not letting anyone discourage me from chasing my dream. Now that it’s 2019, it’s time to reflect on what I should improve about myself throughout the year.

In 2019 —
1. Stop saying ‘Sorry…’ / apologizing during the most minor situations, when it’s not even my fault. Some situations are out of my control and I cannot always take the blame for everything.
2. Be more assertive and not be afraid to voice my opinions/thoughts that I believe can make an impact on the project. I am no longer a little girl or a fresh college graduate. I’m slowly upgrading roles and responsibilities, learning how to transform into a queen/madam.
3. Be consistent with my 2019 bullet journal and my self-reflection book.
4. Take time to breathe and not always be in a hurry. Slow down when going from one place to another place. Time is precious, but I must take care of my body first.
5. Focus on what I want and not let people (besides family members) be my priorities. I only have enough energy to handle myself. Be there for friends and acquaintances but mind my own business.

They’re general reminders and even if I’m not fully improved by the end of 2019, I still know I have made progress. The first step is always the most difficult, but acknowledging flaws and jotting down thoughts help make an easier process to change. So here’s to a new year. A new me. A new you. What will you be working on about yourself this year?

To the boy who keeps the light on

Some relationships feel like a wildfire-they’re powerful and compelling and majestic and dangerous and have the capability to burn you before you even realize you’ve been consumed…..some relationships feel like a hearth fire-they’re solid and stable and cozy and nourishing
The Light We Lost by Jill Santopolo

October 14, 2018 was the first time we met. You magically appeared in my life when you were the only one who can keep a conversation flowing because we found out we had some similar interests and some things we could inspire each other. The great thing was that we were on the same page about our current career situation and we both were not looking to commit to a serious relationship. We both agreed that we enjoyed each other’s company to do fun things and we wanted to do fun things together.

I know we’ve only known each other for two months and that it’s difficult to open up to each other, but I feel we’ve started to learn how to trust one another…or at least I’m learning to trust again. I’m also slowly improving my “going with the flow” in life. The scary part is that our unexpected story is basically like the story between Gabe and Lucy in ‘The Light We Lost’. Whenever we’re together, there’s so much passion between us. I feel infinite and invincible whenever you’re around. But I know that whatever we currently have is just temporary because we both are very ambitious people who have big dreams to change the world and help keep lives moving forward. Both our dreams are not disposable and I’m grateful to have met someone who understands my goals, ambitions, personality, and internal conflicts because we have similar thinking yet still have so much to learn from each other.

Before we agreed to just see where things lead us, you promised not to walk away without saying a word, without saying goodbye. Please keep your promise but go make your dream come true even if it does not involve me. But remember to always keep in touch and to keep me updated with the progress of your accomplishing your goals. No expectations but a short phone call, a text message, an email, or even a handwritten letter letting me know that you’re chasing your dream and making it come to reality because I will always support your dream. We cannot lose the light we currently have even if we’re not in a romantic relationship. I value our friendship the most and I’m truly happy that you just magically appeared in my life after knowing our timelines.

It’s December 29, 2018 and I want to wish you a happy 29th birthday. ♥ Thank you for everything and I hope our light continues to stay on, even in 2019.